another perfectly good motorcycle ruined.......

Sunday, 30 June 2013

airhead cafe racer project




glastonbury, love it, been glued to the coverage all weekend, got everything recorded on the, blimey, i nearly said 'video' then, remember those?, top-loader's?, betamax? now it's the 'sky +' or hardrive recorder, technology eh? brilliant, never been to glasto, [well, not for the festival, mr's b and the kid's and yours truly had a great time down there when we visited the famous tor back in the noughties but thats a tale for another time] i've always fancied it, i've done loads of festivals in the past, i've done some thirty to forty thousand people festival's, but glastonbury?, they reckon close to 120 thousand souls there this weekend, that's amazing really, the atmosphere and energy from that amount of people all gathered together to listen to music and have a good time, lot's of recreational drugs and copious amounts of alcohol, then theres the reality of a festival, the overflowing port-a-loo's, the joy of getting camped next to twelve sixteen year old's, away from mum and dad for the first time, shouting, being sick and crying as the effects of the cider and reefer and sunburn and lack of sleep and homesickness take there toll, yeah, glastonbury, i love watching it from the comfort of my sofa, freshly shaved and showered and enjoying a glass of wine and decent food without running the risk of food poisoning, but, what i really love is the close up tv coverage of the crowds especially all the upper-class henry's, the fifty-something area managers, the regional directors and c.e.o's trying to sing along and not having a fucking scooby, daft jester's hat's on their head's and trying to be down with the kid's, probably stopping in an eight-grand-for-the-weekend-wi-fi-enabled-hot-tubbed-butler-served-'yurt' yeah you knobber's, we can see you, all of a sudden that pitch next door to the schoolkid's suddenly seem's more appealing than spending anytime in their company, anyway, got my boxer frame, yokes and clip-on's back from the blaster's, good job if a little expensive at forty quid, hope they remember that when i get them powdercoated, the fork-bottom's? they reckoned the blast media wouldn't touch the gold paint, i must admit i was surprised when i tried nitromors on them and it didn't shift it, anyone got any ideas how to remove it because i'm stumped.....

Friday, 28 June 2013

shoot me again, [i ain't dead yet]



out tonight with the bailey family, jess was 19 on the 17th of june, me? well i'm fifty-four tomorrow, 29th june, we hit the city of derby, 'revolucion de cuba' brilliant meal, veggie enchiladas, spicy brown rice with crispy onions, re-fried black beans and fresh salad, couple of peroni's, sorted, great atmosphere and service, my girls looking good, jack, cool as fuck as usual, we don't do this enough, life just seem's to get in the way, everyone has too many other things to do, 'i'm going here or i've got to do this' admit it, we all do this, every working man and women, really we need to just take a step back and say no, today is the day when i'm going to spend some time catching up with my family, if you are anything like us lot we all get on each other's nerves, but, we are family, i love them and all their little niggly faults [and let's face it, i'm fucking perfect me, ahem]  and then, when we get home and everyone else is in bed, i can take off my 'baldy-man cover-skin' and let my natural, long, blonde lock's hang free, like that bloke in the 'lost boys' film, you know who i mean, the bloke playing the saxophone, mulletted-up-to fuck, i shake them loose and watch that clip, over and over and over again, that's me that is, [in my dreams....]

Thursday, 27 June 2013

prickly thorn, but sweetly worn.


two mates, two totally different rides, barse's shovelhead and andy's mz racer, heard from andy via e-mither  the other day, he's carving 'em up on the ex-loveless racebike, got a sixth place and club rider of the weekend last meeting, he's defineately going to be one to watch for the championship next season, a stirling effort mucker, well done and then barse, well, what can you say, he set off at 0500 hours this morning after an all night session rebuilding the shovelhead, met up with glen on the panhead, luke on his harley 45 and andy on an indian, off to linkhert attacks in plymouth, i'll let the text's we exchanged through the day tell the story, '60 miles gone, glen's out, broken crankase's' 'not missed a beat, 200 miles done, just a  100 to go, just me, luke and andy left now' 'just coming into exeter, 60 miles to go, we are on the dartmoor road' 'and 14 hours later we are here!' well done boy's, a perfect example of grit and determination in the face of adversity carrying you on to your goals....

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

you got the poison, i got the remedy....



thoroughly disheartened after the 'i need a japper 600 sportbike' interlude i spent the weekend scouring the 'tinterweb thing for a replacement, i soon became bored looking at the thousand's and thousand's of bikes listed and drifted off into the usual bailey territory of mz's, yamaha szr 660 supersingles, xbr 500 honda's, unfinished sporty projects, bmw boxer twins, italian exotica, gsxr 750's, [80's only thank you, non of that water-cooled bollock's here]  vespa px 200's, t5,s and small-frames, norton's, aermacchi's and ducati pantah's and laverda montjuic's, me and vince, [my dear, departed, one-off- hard- as- nail's mate, i just realised, i never admitted to liking two-strokes to vinny, well, you wouldn't after hancock bought a kawasaki 750 h2 and blew vinny's old bonneville into the weed's, hancock had never managed to beat vince until he purchased the almost seven year old kwacker and proceeded to take the piss, wheelie's, looking back and waving ta-ta, slowing down then gunning it past vinny on the wheezing old brit, a laughing hancock soon became aware of his mistake when we arrived at the 'olde english drinking establishment', [or 'the mount as we knew it, 'the mount pleasant'] thing's were far from pleasant as vince threw his old piss-pot  helmet across the car-park and ran, [well, when i say 'ran' i mean proceeding across the car park as fast as possible, holding up his wrangler's with one hand, unzipping his ancient 'lewis' with the other, coughing, flicking out a roll-up and lighting it, couple of cough's, a gob and beard bristling, five-foot-fuck-all of total menace, i've seen this bloke take on a whole pub, he never drank, he just had the burning desire to beat anything on two feet or two wheel's, the wrangler wrestling hand has suddenly gripped hancock's throat before he's even had a chance to remove the immaculate white, 'bell' mark 2 helmet, 'you, you, you.......wanker....... hancock' no-one say's a word, hancock is close to pissing himself with fear, then, vinny say's, 'can i have a go.......' laverda 650 formula, top specification, brembo goldline brakes, white power suspension, all rebuilt by 'bikebuildersteve' at http://www.jalrestorations.com/  class build by an obviously talented bloke, makes me go all misty eyed for the old 'monty' day's, never owned one, never will at the prices they are fetching, but, well, you know, i could fall in love with this little beauty.......

Sunday, 23 June 2013

i started something i couldn't finish







ben's right, i'm turning into a miserable, moaning old bastard, no road bike, no race bike, i'm so fucked off that saturday night see's me making the short commute down to burton to check out an 'immaculate, 5000 mile kawasaki zxr600 ninja, one owner, new battery new tyres and fifteen-hundred quid, bog standard ready to go' i turn up at tea-time, the bloke who's selling it forget's all about me coming even though it's two-hour's since i've arranged to meet him, i pull up at the electric gates and speak to his wife/partner/ on the intercom, 'hello, i'm tim, i've come to have a look at the motorcycle for sale' i might have said i've come to burn the house down, steal everything and kill all the occupant's, eventually the gates open and i'm beckoned into the courtyard of the mansion, lexus four-by-four, mercedes slk, porsche boxster, mini cooper x2, the lady of the manor look's at me like i'm something she's stepped in, open's the quadruple garage door's, fuck me, this shed is bigger than my house, 'my husband will be here shortly' she inform's me, i get that sinking feeling in my stomach, the shed is rammed full, expensive mountain bikes, two petrol driven sit-on mower's, kid's quad bikes, 'it's in here somewhere' princess diana inform's me, eventually we find it, half covered with a sheet like an old age pensioner in a care home, a quick glimpse of the speedo reveals the 'five-thousand mile' bike to be actually seven and a half thousand miles, it's dirty, covered in shit and dust, the tyres are as hard as a ripley bouncer, the brakes are seized, chain and sprocket's red with rust, it's not even the model he said it was in the advert, suspension sagging like jordan's thong, the 'new battery' turn's out to be eighteen month's old, he want's fifteen hundred quid for it, a quick estimation see's me putting seven hundred quid and a load of work into it just to get it roadworthy, on further questioning he admit's to sticking it into an armco barrier on the a38 and bending the frame, his brother has 're-built it' it's a bad 'un, been around bikes too long i'm afraid,  he's insistant it's a bargain, i resist the urge to have a row and headbutt the cunt, make my excuses and leave, he follow's me down the drive, giving it me, i must be getting old me, just don't want to spoil the weekend, on a lighter note, paul's smashed some hour's into the sporty........

Friday, 21 June 2013

special/blown it [delete as appropriate]














1988, mz 250 commuter bike, forty seven careful owner's, 300 quid and a thousand hour's work, sifting through breaker's yard's, measuring, making, manufacturing, cutting, milling and turning the wheel's of steel, carcinogenic dust cutting and shaping racing-car carbon off-cut's sourced from a skip, wheel's off a 50cc yamaha moped, milled, lightened and shaped by hand, brembo brake caliper off a ducati treble-nine, rear caliper off a cagiva mito, r1/thundercat controls, handmade, bespoke and original and getting top results in the hand's of a better racer than me, [andy smith] loads of sleepless night's working and developing the bike that would become an obsession and cause grief and threaten marriages, or, you could go and buy dice magazine and be really cool, just saying......

Thursday, 20 June 2013

trouble man.......









i admit it, i own up, i'm a magazine fan, from new musical express, sound's, melody maker, sniffing glue, bike, [ the classic '70's and early '80's issues with the heroic 'team bike' endurance racer's] superbike, [tony middleton era, not the fucking poor excuse for a mag now] classic bike, back street heroes, awol, [odgie, genius] the legendary iron horse, [well, where do i start with this one, ghengis, david snow, noyes livingstone, proper, in your face, thought provoking writers] classic racer, performance bikes, [still get that today] and a hundred and one other's i've sourced on my travels, old school rod's, bound by ink, skin deep, rebel rod's, classic bike guide, old school rod's, easyriders, fast classic's, sideburn and the classic 'old school hooligan ex scooterist, northern soul, vinyl sniffing, blackbelt tattooed bike smashing, reggae loving, ska-faced, old lefty skinhead anti-racist blue's music fan classic bike racing drunken fucker new's', [ok, ok, i admit i made that one up] but, dice magazine has alway's rocked my world, brilliant photo's, attitude in abundance and just that feeling of punk rock, the feeling that you belonged to a club that only a few shared, been here since issue one, spring 2004, i've even got the poster of jake from the lord's of altamont sitting on the '68/'73 triumph hardtail  on my living room wall, today, i got issue 50 drop through my door, bigger format, cute cotton bag and the usual beautiful pictures and well, not a lot else really, not a lot of word's, just lot's of pictures of trendy people, scenesters and folk trying to sell their 'lifestyle' and fashion tip's, facial hair? check, plaid shirt? check, levi 501's?, check, redwing boot's? check, beanie hat? check, old-school, brand- new- your- retro tattoo's, check and a page of 'merch' to buy, [do people really buy this stuff? do you think that parting with some hard earned coinage will bring you instant cool? skateboard deck's, trucker caps, stickers, tee's, buttons and magnetic fish fridge magnet's?] that's it for me, i'm bailing, cancelled my sub, time to move on i reckon, like that girlfriend you know you shouldn't have committed to but did, you moved in and everything was cool and deadly, great times but, well, just time to call it a day i guess, it's that awkward morning after thing, last night it just seemed sooo-right, but in the cold, clear light of the day, well, it's just that awkward stumbling around the kitchen trying to make a coffee without making eye-contact and trying to be polite thing, going to listen to some public enemy tonight, 'don't, don't, don't believe the hype' god bless you dice magazine, thank's, ta-ra..........

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

st. anger

good to catch up with barse tonight, i'm sat in the garden flicking through old bike magazines, 'performance bikes', 'classic bike' and some ancient copies of 'back street heroes', i'm trying to chill, but, i'm feeling pretty pissed off, [broke a tooth saturday morning on a hash brown, didn't get in until 1300 hr's monday to get it fixed, that constant, stabbing pain wearing me down, no-sleep 'til brooklyn, [i reckon i've had about four hour's sleep over the past two, three day's, i hate going to the dentists, i guess it's all about not being in control, always been the same, even as a kid, as soon as i get in that chair i'm hearing that alice cooper track, 'your teeth are alright but your gum's got to go.....' don't even know what it's called, ok, googled it and it's called 'unfinished sweet', brilliant, back to the plot, i'm in the garden, headphones on, listening to metallica, 'st. anger' just seem's to sum up how i'm feeling, i've kicked the dog's back in the house, [literally, not physically, you don't kick dog's] as they are running up and down the perimeter fence trying to get to next-door's dog's who are running up and down the perimeter fence trying to get at our boy's, you know how that goes if your a dog owner, anyhoo, barse turn's up for a chat, good to catch up with an old mucker, here's a pic from back in the day, barse standing on the tank of the mighty shovester, late on a saturday night at a rally, my sporty chop in the foreground, oh yeah, and some other cunt who used to be a mate who's name i've forgotten.......

Saturday, 15 June 2013

northern soul

terry callier, 'ordinary joe' check this out for a tune, classier than a very classy thing......

Friday, 14 June 2013

proper english gentlemen



proper english gentlemen, friday night, post-shift, straight out for a couple of sherbert's at the world famous victoria inn with the boy's, we work our way through the draught's, then the bottles, then it's curry time, round to the shalimar on midland road, a couple of cobra's, thank you, kingfisher? don't mind if i do squire, can't beat a good old ruby murray, don't want any of that foreign stuff thank you, we are english gentlemen and an indian will suit us fine, back to the vic, check out the band, red stripe?,why not, it's what us english gentlemen drink, made in jamaica, don't want any of that dodgy foreign shit thank you, i love you man, your my best mate, a proper night out.......