another perfectly good motorcycle ruined.......

Sunday, 23 June 2013

i started something i couldn't finish

ben's right, i'm turning into a miserable, moaning old bastard, no road bike, no race bike, i'm so fucked off that saturday night see's me making the short commute down to burton to check out an 'immaculate, 5000 mile kawasaki zxr600 ninja, one owner, new battery new tyres and fifteen-hundred quid, bog standard ready to go' i turn up at tea-time, the bloke who's selling it forget's all about me coming even though it's two-hour's since i've arranged to meet him, i pull up at the electric gates and speak to his wife/partner/ on the intercom, 'hello, i'm tim, i've come to have a look at the motorcycle for sale' i might have said i've come to burn the house down, steal everything and kill all the occupant's, eventually the gates open and i'm beckoned into the courtyard of the mansion, lexus four-by-four, mercedes slk, porsche boxster, mini cooper x2, the lady of the manor look's at me like i'm something she's stepped in, open's the quadruple garage door's, fuck me, this shed is bigger than my house, 'my husband will be here shortly' she inform's me, i get that sinking feeling in my stomach, the shed is rammed full, expensive mountain bikes, two petrol driven sit-on mower's, kid's quad bikes, 'it's in here somewhere' princess diana inform's me, eventually we find it, half covered with a sheet like an old age pensioner in a care home, a quick glimpse of the speedo reveals the 'five-thousand mile' bike to be actually seven and a half thousand miles, it's dirty, covered in shit and dust, the tyres are as hard as a ripley bouncer, the brakes are seized, chain and sprocket's red with rust, it's not even the model he said it was in the advert, suspension sagging like jordan's thong, the 'new battery' turn's out to be eighteen month's old, he want's fifteen hundred quid for it, a quick estimation see's me putting seven hundred quid and a load of work into it just to get it roadworthy, on further questioning he admit's to sticking it into an armco barrier on the a38 and bending the frame, his brother has 're-built it' it's a bad 'un, been around bikes too long i'm afraid,  he's insistant it's a bargain, i resist the urge to have a row and headbutt the cunt, make my excuses and leave, he follow's me down the drive, giving it me, i must be getting old me, just don't want to spoil the weekend, on a lighter note, paul's smashed some hour's into the sporty........


  1. Me bloodnut blood's boiling just reading it Lovey, wanker's who tell porkies about items for sale shit me more than I can explain, admirable composure under trying circumstances mate, you grumpy old goat . . . ha ha ha. XX