another perfectly good motorcycle ruined.......

Sunday, 30 June 2019

dare fuori ma non dare



So, the new whip, yes, it’s italian, yes it’s a moto guzzi and yes I swapped the brilliant little honda for it. I quickly realised that green laning comes with a lot of problems, irate ramblers arguing the toss about rights of way, snooty cows on horseback, [who take great delight in petitioning to overturn ancient right of way lane access to turn them into bridlepaths and then once they have succeeded ride down ‘normal’ roads two abreast and nod and wave to everyone who has to wait whilst their methane producing shit-box’s shy and shimmy all over the road]
The final straw was three toss-pot walkers blocking my way on a ‘boat’ or, byeway open to all traffic. I followed the trail riders advice, pulled over, turned off my bike and waited and then shall we call him ‘trekking pole 1’ decides to patronisingly inform me that ‘I’m breaking the law riding my bike on a footpath’ helmet off and I politely tell him that it’s actually a ‘boat’ and then ‘’trekking pole 2’ decides to enter their ‘tuppence worth, ‘WE, don’t like your sort riding on footpaths and I am going to report you to the police’ at which he whips out his phone and attempts to take a photo of my mud encrusted numberplate. I wipe off the excess mud from the plate so he can see the number clearly and tell him that my machine is a road legal, 2018, insured vehicle on a legal bye-way and he is wasting his time as there is no offence except an illegal numberplate,  [too small] and no reflector present [which is an mot failure]
   At this stage, ‘trekking pole 3’ who I think may have been female although without dna testing being available at this juncture I’m not too sure starts to get  a proper arse on. ‘You are breaking the law, you are riding illegally on a footpath and you are spoiling the countryside for everyone’ as a final resort I get my os map out of my tank bag and show them the cattle grid where our exchange has occurred and then the lane, clearly marked as a ‘boat’. pure fact matters not one iota to these footpath fascists and ‘trekking pole 2’ tries to snatch my keys from the bike whilst informing me he is ‘making a citizens arrest’ enough is enough, I’ve tried and I offer my sincere apologies to the derbyshire off-roading community, getting twatted across the collarbone with a carbon-fibre trekking pole fucking hurts,  not as much as swift kick in the bollocks from a motocross boot though, ‘tp2’ is rolling around in agony as the other two toe-path tossers try to pull me off the bike.
   fuck this for a game of soldiers, I’m off, fuck this off-road, enduro/green laning bollocks, the countryside is for everyone, really? Nah, it’s too much hassle, don’t need this and certainly don’t need to have to explain the why’s and wherefores of access to legal byeways, this incident killed it for me, move on, that’s why I decided I needed another italian bike in the shed.........

Saturday, 15 June 2019

Flash, aha, saviour of the.......




So, as the rain continues to beat down in Derbyshire. I check the calendar, yep, it’s June not fucking March.  I chucked the little ktm rc390 in the van and made the short journey up to nelly’s to sort out the fueling issue after fitting the nrp race can / arrow link/cat delete pipe.
 After a lot of digging on the forums I find that the little box of majik, [majik, not magic, too much time spent as a teenager drinking cider, smoking the occasional ‘recreational cigarette’ and reading too much alister crowley, I digress] anyhoo, back to the plot, the little box of majik is a ‘rapidbike’ fuel module that fools the lambda sensor into thinking that the bike is running lean, [which it is, dangerously lean in fact] so sends a message to the ecu to add more fuel, [totally against all the emission regulations of euro4/5]
  I must admit to a high degree of scepticism, hardly a surprise to long term readers of the blog, that a plug and play unit could possibly offer the gains that  are claimed, a couple of snips to remove tie-wraps, a bit of re-routing of cables to satisfy my ocd tendencies, Velcro the unit to the air box, turn on the ignition, press the button and the start the bike, unit shows green l.e.d light, bike warms up, closed loop signal to ecu, green flashing l.e.d, jobs a good ‘un.
    Trimmer dials set to recommended setting and bike settles to an even tickover, revs freely and the lean-running pops and bangs are vastly reduced, never going to get get rid after removing the cat but the bike feels loads better, not ridden it yet so the ‘backside dyno’ needs testing to the max. To say im  chuffed would be a vast under estimation.
      Loved it today, nelly is a great bloke, took so much time to explain to a geriatric old cunt the intricacies of modern fuel injection and the whole euro 4/5 legislation, a word of warning though bredren, the days of the internal combustion engine are over, silent, electric motivation power is the way forward, fossil fuelled filth fucked forever folks.......

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

15-51 was my number, [with apologies to Toots]

 Seething. Absolutely bloody seething. After a tip off from Agent Julian in the Netherlands that a copy of Jan Leek’s book ‘MZ-The Racers’ had been listed on a ‘well known internet auction site that you should actively avoid when drunk’ I of course stuck in a massive bid to win the holy grail of East German race bike literature. I sat chuckling to myself that I was going to get this book at last, I watched the seconds ticking down safe in the knowledge that It was the early hours of the morning and that no-one else in the world could possibly be interested in this old tat. ‘Down to the cellar Mrs b and fetch me a bottle of Chateau Margaux 2004 and don’t bloody cork it!’ 9 seconds, 8, 7, 6, bloody fucking hell! Outbid by £3, no worries, I have a bid ready to go on my phone just in case, a leisurely sip of the aforementioned classic red, ‘ hmm Mrs b, what a fabulous and exciting wine this is, the nose is simply beautiful- ripe, fine, sweet elegant and powerful with huge potential, the palate is expansive and multi-faceted, almost as good as the vintage Latour....’ I casually press the button with two seconds to go, bollocks, outbid by £40! ‘Let the dog oot and turn the lights out ye lavvy heided wankstain, im off to ma bed’ ..............

Sunday, 9 June 2019

Stinkwheel

https://youtu.be/o1P2RU5sDQk the sound of racing.   I Will gladly trade one of my kidneys for a go on one of these. Just absolutely bloody brilliant......

Monday, 3 June 2019

Moto 390

 The story of the 390 began in december 2017, idly flicking through a ‘well known internet auction site’ one horrible wet and cold friday night I spotted this 2015 model for sale at a bargain price, too cheap to be true. I fired off a mail to the seller to find out the skinny, drank some more red wine and went to bed. I’d forgotten all about it when I received a return mail telling me that although the bike was very clean it had developed an annoying fault where the bike just cut out when riding and that as he had now passed his car test he needed the funds to pay his extortionate insurance bill for his newly purchased hot hatch. 
I arranged to go and kick the tyres the next day and after a long, long journey down to deepest east anglia I arrived at matey’s house where after a cup of coffee he wheeled the bike into the yard. I was impressed, it was certainly a very clean little bike and started on the button and settled down to a steady tick-over. When it was warm it revved out without hesitation, hmmm? I hand the man the keys to my van and phone and have a ride up the road, pulls well, no sign of a problem, hmmm? I turn in the road and ride past his house in the opposite direction, all fine and then as I ride over a speed bump   near the local school it dies, clutch in, press the button and off we go again all fine, same again, fine until I reach the speed bump and it dies again, press the button and off we go again. 
The geezer has taken it to the local yamaha dealer who told him that the ecu is donald ducked, how they come to this conclusion I don’t know but he’s desperate to sell, it’s xmas, he needs the money and I offer him a ridiculous £900 to take his pain away, ten minutes later I’m on my way home to sunny derbyshire with the little 390 in the back of the van.
Straight on the bench the same night and I strip off all the road stuff in a couple of hours, lights, indicators, fairing lowers, chain guard, hugger, mirrors, number plate hanger and stand all hit the bin, I sit having a well deserved beer and scan the ‘tinterweb for a possible solution to the cutting out problem, bingo! Apparently they suffer with dodgy kill switches, I take the switch apart and the wiring is burnt with evidence of arcing inside the switch. £8 for a replacement switch and the problem solved, result! I order the ktm ‘cup’ screen which hides the headlight aperture in the standard  fairing, I make a carbon plate finish off the mess left by stripping out the number plate/rear indicator mounting/ rear light bracket and fab a carbon ‘sharks-fin’ chain run protector, the ktm 390 cup series has now finished so I picked up a set of r+g racing engine covers half price and turned up a couple of paddock stand bobbins and front fork protectors and set to lock wiring everything in sight. After a track day at darley moor to shake it down I purchased the galfer, 320mm wavy front disc and fabbed up a couple of spacers to mount the bybre [by brembo] radial caliper and added some ebc hh brake pads to get the brakes sorted. The exhaust is an arrow link/de-cat pipe and nige at nrp welded up an adaptor to allow fitment of the carbon can that I dug out of the stash and which has seen previous action on the ‘peaky blinder’ Ducati and the boxer twin bmw racer. It does need a fueling module as it’s running too lean now and nelly at cornerspeed is going to trim up the fuel for me once I’ve got it fitted by hacking the ecu. The stock ktm fasteners are garbage, touching them with a tool results in allen-heads rounding off or hex-heads losing their corners so I dug into the stainless stock and turned up some replacements for non-stress mounting points, I discovered a site that does titanium, drilled race spec fasteners for bicycles that are the same tensile strength of the motorcycle equivalent but at a third of the price so I ordered some for the exhaust mounting hanger and the brake/clutch mountings which strangely seem to come loose of their own accord.
I’m now three trackdays down and after a new set of Bridgestone s21 tyres I’m really impressed with the little bike. Corner speed is essential on a smaller capacity bike but I find I can pass bigger bikes into the turns and brake harder and later than them only to have them pass me down the straights as they ‘point and squirt’ their way around, next outing is the morini owners club a tutto gas [at full throttle in italian] and talking of italian watch this space, news about to break.......