days go by.....

days go by and still i think of you. once upon a time, in a land, far, far away............

not a ducati tt replica

 friday. i've used up all my sick-day's already so call in and tell them i'm dead. today is the day when the plan finally comes together. or so i thought. as you know, nothing is straight forward in loveless land. dangerous picks up the seat and fairing from the painters, so far, so good, it's just a great job, run free, good finish and blacker than a witches tit. perfect. i phone roy early doors to confirm the vinyl number boards he's going to make and fit for us today. 'sorry mate, give me a bell later on, i'm as busy as fuck'. no problem. he does this for a living and that's what pay's his mortgage. another phone call to nige our man who makes the exhausts, 'sorry mate, the cones haven't arrived and i'm due at mallory to test the race bike so i've not finished your pipes' so, up to see nelly instead to sort out our external fuel pump, [all motorcycle fuel injection fuel pumps are located inside the o.e.m tank so that any hoses blowing off or pump failures are contained, an external pump failure would result in timmy doing a viking longboat funeral impression and flying off into the distance, on fire, swearing loudly and with no way off stopping raw, high octane fuel pumping out all over the rear tyre] nelly sorts us out a suitable pump after some math, bollock scratching and frowning and orders it up off the 'tinterweb. it's an auxillary fuel pump, used to boost the pressure on race and rally cars and dragsters running nitrous, i mean, what could possibly go wrong? another call to roy and there's no-way we are getting the vinyl's sorted today. which brings us back to paint. paint's to stop stuff going rusty. forget all that purple, scalloped, flip-flop, multi-hued rainbow candies, or, heaven forbid murals, you know the ones, a viking warrior, well muscled and swinging a double-edged battle sword with a beautiful, half-naked woman draped around him and fighting off giant maggots in a field of golden corn bollocks. once you go matt black there's no-way back. tough as fuck..................

save it for later

i like ugly bikes me. i suppose i'm always supporting the underdog's. i like mz's for fuck's sake. i called into the local ktm dealers to pick up some oil filters and consumables and got met with, 'is that your bike mate?' 'yep' 'well fucking move it off the front, we don't want to scare off the punters!' i was then told the story about when he went to austria to see the new models, apparently they displayed them all on the stage and when the 690smc prestige was announced, some bloke just wheeled it over the stage and out the other side to a chorus of 'what the fucking hell is that!' brilliant! now i know my 690 isn't in the same league as my ducati's look's-wise, but over the past few day's i can't imagine being without one of these bastards. light. fast, great handling. they stop. go, [fast!] wheelie on a breath of throttle and you can take liberties on them like no other bike i have ever owned. and they are very fast. stupidly fast for a single cylinder bike. hunt one down now, you can pick them up for peanut's. after all the bollock's trying to sort out the 'not a ducati tt replica' bike this was like a breath of fresh air, i'm cold, wet, cold, covered in mud, cold and laughing like a madmad. feel's like spring's here at last........

not a ducati tt replica

so, the original f1 / f2 ducati race bikes ran a bee-ute-ee-full two-into-one exhaust system, exiting low on the left-hand side of the bike, [remember, the pantah engined bikes had the rear cylinder reversed, not like the poxy, base model, 'poverty' 750ssie 'dark' bike that the 'not a ducati tt replica' bike is based on] hmm, after speaking with nelly at cornerspeed who stressed the importance of the cruciform on the original oem downpipes to scavenge the exhaust gasses and not cheat ourselves out of the hard earned sixty bee-haich-pee we have achieved, i decided to investigate the two wheeled classic 'quill' exhaust at a wallet stretching £700 quid, [although, i admit it's a lovely piece of kit and a fraction of the cost of say, a termi or akra pipe for a sportsbike,  it is though, i'm afraid, way out of budget for a couple of twat derbyshire shed builders] an afternoon of scribbled sums, listing both dogs on e-bay, advertising my servives as an international sock model and mugging dangerous for his winter heating allowance and i still cannot justify spunking that amount of money. i dig out the original, [well, modified for last year's 'peaky blinder' budget 'radical' project] and hang it off the bike. i sketch out and dimension a couple of megaphones, [taking reference points from mark brewins fantastic harris replica bike from an old copy of mcn sport] i'm still not happy and beg mr's b for the two-wheeled classic system to be met with the 'scottish' look and a very firm NO! not wishing to push my luck any further i decide to reluctantly use the original system but hey, that gives me a couple of options even if it's not in keeping with a 'replica'. i can use the carbon can's for noise testing on any trackdays and get my 'passed' sticker, then drop on the 'fruity' meggas and blow up the drive-by noise meter, a quick rattle can job in matt-black to hide the 'sheen' of the polished pipes. i even considered wrapping them but don't want bikeefix or the bikeshed pestering me to feature it on their site's...........