fun powder plot

had the 'royal' visit this week from the world's 'most handsome man' ladies and gentlemen, mistahhh ben jones, tattoo artist extraordinaire, best collection of exquisite blades, [as in 'very sharp, very dangerous, highly illegal knives] in the mid-shires of merrye olde england, gun's? are we talking weapon's here? ballistic brilliance, everything from self -propelled rocket propelled grenades to  an original magnum, ak47? no problem, desert eagle? ask for a tribal tattoo and you'll find out! the best line in politically incorrect comment and banter?  step right this way, as an example, one of our regular 'lady' visitor's, on being introduced to mr jones, decided to ask about getting a cover-up of a particularly horrible rose/tribal thing on her thigh, mr jones, [on studying the a photo of the aforesaid 'work of art' on the victim, i'm sorry, the customer's phone] reponds with, 'fucking hell, are you wearing a nappy?' 'no!! i've rolled my hot-pant's up to take the picture!' 'fucking hell, who did that to you?'  'he's a mate, ratty's his name' replies the unfortunate one, much hilarity ensues with ben dropping in a comedy kung-fu chop, 'you missed me you twat' say's ms smarty pants, 'no i didn't' say's ben, 'you'll be unconcious in twenty minutes' fucking brilliant, such a shame then that even with ben's elegance, hand made boot's, lined trousers, one off, solid silver barbed wire, made in that there londinium bracelet, two expensive antique rolex , tweed jacket, waistcoat, neat haircut, white collared expensive tailored shirt, solid silver, bespoke 'los bastardos de la muerte' [the bastards of death, a fictional bike gang invented by ben and your's truly during a day long tattoo session] signet ring, the black bmw, a dead ringer for the batmobile and the red and white, polka dot, silk cravate, very smart, very 'english gentleman' very cool, but, sorry to spoil the party peep's, i didn't mean to piss in the chardonnay, but, [ i'm whispering here, sshh, keep it to yourselves],  ben rides a harley-davidson, sorry to break the majick folk's, yep, a shit, slow, wank handling harley, just goes to show, you can't have it all after-all and to cap it all, i got to thinking ben reminded me of someone and tonight it dawned on me, toad of toad hall...........