Bob Smith

Not had a Bob Smith post for a while so here is the great man himself, I think this is at Scarborough but stand to be corrected if anyone knows the actual location, now here’s a question for you, Bob is leading but obviously has close company, the third rider is Roger Marshall, [ or Reg as he is more affectionately known] but who is the rider sandwiched between them?

To Here Knows When

First ride out today post lockdown restriction easing, instead of heading to Matlock with the rest of the sheep, [congratulations wankers, you are going to spoil it for everyone else, lining up on the ‘strip’ not social distancing and ignoring the pleas to keep away doesn’t matter to you, pissing in the street because the toilets are shut is going to really further the cause you fucking cockwombles!] wait for the cries of ‘biker discrimination’ and ‘it’s not fair’ in MCN!] Yes, I know that there were ordinary families, cyclists and your grandma doing it too but spare me the righteous indignation, fat leather clad bikers are an easy target as seen in our local rag, don’t add fuel to the fire, eating chips isn’t really part of your daily exercise, there are plenty of roads to ride, preferably on your own without visiting Derbyshires inland version of Skeg-Vegas!
    And whilst we are at it and I’m feeling particularly self-righteous and I’m half way down a bottle of fine red, what’s with all the ‘waving’ bollocks? We aren’t ‘brothers in the wind’ never have been, never will be, stop living out your Sonny Barger fan boy alternative lifestyle, I love motorcycles, I just don’t like the majority of motorcyclists. I must admit to laughing my swede off today when a fellow ‘brother’ on a Bandit actually slapped his chest above his heart as he approached me today, hey bro, I know I’m looking cool, i get that I might be your man crush, I’m a good looking bloke, fast approaching 61 but fit as a butchers dog, I may be folically challenged but that’s the testosterone coarseing  through my system, I’m riding a Moto Guzzi, [yeah, making ‘good progress’ and chamfering the souls on my Doc’s] but for fucks sake keep your eye on the road instead of trying to catch mine..........
 

Tin Plate Toys

Here’s a few photos of my small collection of tin plate motorcycles that I have collected over the years. I just find them really charming, they are not well detailed like the Minichamps or Paul’s Models items but I find that this adds to the appeal for me.
    They are mostly replicas of the toys that were originally manufactured in Germany after the Second World War but I think that most of these, with the exception of the 93 racer bike which was made in India, are of Far East origin.
    The models are a combination of ‘friction’ and wind-up items, the friction models you just rub on the ground to make them move and the wind-up models are clockwork with a small detachable key, the 93 racer is quite interesting as the rider bobs up and down under the fairing screen as the model goes forward!
   

S.O.R.N - [Sick Of Restrictions Now]

Right, hopefully that’s sorted now, apparently ‘someone’ took exception to a post from back in the day, [hey, this blog may contain nuts, swear words and opinionated bollocks, if you don’t like it try Mary Berry’s lemon drizzle recipe page instead you sensitive snowflakes fuck off and let me post swear words and opinionated bollocks]
    So, here’s the shed, four bikes, three road bikes one track/race
bike, just waiting.........
   

Dangerous Dave

Dangerous Dave. 08/04/2017, miss you every day, love you mate.

The New Normal

I’m blessed. I live in a rural location, cross the road, onto a footpath and miles of empty fields, woods and forest roads all within walking distance of my home. Bob the Dog and I can walk for miles without seeing a soul, although he sometimes trespasses into a private wood to steal sticks but give him a break, he’s only nine months old and can’t read yet...................

The Exploding Moto Guzzi Battery

The Moto Guzzi is my ‘go-to’ ride, I’ve kept it taxed and used it regularly through the winter period, no chain to worry about, just press the button and go, the soft power delivery more than enough for the greasy, leaf lined, salt strewn and muddy wet roads that the season brings.
   I’ve been regularly charging the batteries on my collection of bikes, I’m not a fan of the ‘optimate’ chargers and would rather start my bikes regularly or let them discharge naturally and charge as appropriate. Battery’s, like everything else have a finite life, for all our advances in technology I think that the modern batteries don’t seem to last as long as they used to? Anyone else think the same?
   Anyhoo, I knew that the Guzzi battery was ready so decided to bite the bullet and invest in a new one so I could avoid that embarrassing chhhkkkk, chkkkkkkkkk, cccchhhhhhhkkkk that you get when you’ve called for fuel and the bastard won’t start, you have to call the Mrs to pick you up, go home, get tools and ask if it’s ok to do the ‘walk of shame’ and push your motorcycle across the forecourt out of the way whilst you get it sorted.
    So, I invest in a new battery, no cheapskate bollocks here for team loveless, a genuine Yuasa quality item, terminals greased, fitted good to go. [this is pre-lockdown folks, last Sunday] Sunday dawns bright and dry. All indications show that lockdown is coming so probably best to get out for a ride while I can, which is what I do, avoiding all the biker haunts and hitting the Staffordshire moorlands and more remote Derbyshire roads, no hardship, that’s what I prefer anyway, a quick 70 mile blast and i don’t realise how cold it is until I’m home, change out of my bike gear and brew on, that’s when I notice the smell, acid, battery acid, it’s all over the back end of the Guzzi, wheels, frame, swinging arm, bastard! Battery disconnected and wash the bike down, initial inspection reveals a slight dulling of paint finish on the wheels/swing arm.
    First world problems, nothing in the scale of what’s happening in the world, first reaction is to strip it down and rebuild it finishing it back to standard, then a little voice in my head says that this is the perfect time to just chop the fucker up and make it into a special, then there’s the ‘love it and leave it’ thing that I’m currently favouring, let it evolve naturally, after all I can always do option 1 or 2, it does seem a little strange to me being ocd but I’m liking the natural progression and I’m digging the sound of that shagged battery ‘ffffizzzzzzzznnnnnnnnnnnn’ on my bench................

Saturday night at the Bailey’s

Wotcha folks, hope everyone is safe and taking lock-down seriously, unlike the cyclists I saw today in rural Derbyshire, I estimate 25-30 M.A.M.I.L.S [middle aged men in lycra],  mobbed up in a Peleton, spitting as they lived out their Tour fantasy, one fingered nasal evacuation, taking the piss! Anyhoo, here’s what my ma’s knitted me to keep this bastard virus at bay........

Solitary. In confinement.

Strange times indeed, I mean, why would people flock to Skegness for fucks sake? You are more likely to get food poisoning from one of the chippy’s or end up buying tat from Spall’s or getting hit by a rogue wind turbine blade that spins off and decapitates you,  be sensible people, keep safe, buy more records it’s a well known fact that sniffing old vinyl is a cure for this horrible virus, [allegedly]...... get out on your bike and enjoy the empty roads, watch Walking Dead for clues, check your tyre pressures, be nice to people, clean your chain, apply lube, don’t ride like a twat after the winter lay-off, the NHS is stretched to the limit, [Mrs B is doing 14 hour shifts at the moment] don’t put more stress on it by smearing yourself on a stone wall. Tell everyone how you feel, ‘I love you’ costs nothing but means everything, be nice. be patient. be human.

Last One Standing

Recent vinyl purchase in the Bailey household, in these strange times it just seems so life affirming and relevant, a shameless nod to the great Curtis Mayfield post Impressions, absolute killer tune and love the reference to ‘Move on Up’ absolute quality. Support your local record store people.....;

TT races 2020/ bikeporn

Seriously, 78 more sleeps until TT ‘20, can’t wait to see Michael Dunlop out on the PB Ducati and I hope he smashes the unbelievers out there, but really, is there a more horn inducing bike than the Team Classic Suzuki Supersport and Superstock gixxer thousands?